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Veit du hvorfor skotter er så gode i golf?
De har funnet ut at jo mindre de slår ballen, jo mindre slitt blir den!!


Veit du hvorfor skotter er så gode i golf?
De har funnet ut at jo rettere de slår ballen, jo kortere trenger de å gå!!

There are two guys out on the course that come up on a couple of ladies playing slow. One of the guys walks up towards the ladies to ask if they can play through.

About halfway there he turns around and comes back and says to his friend, "I can't go up there and talk to them, that is my wife and my mistress."

So his friend replies, "I'll go up and ask them." When he is halfway there he turns around and comes back and states to his friend.

"Small world".

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A fellow was playing a round on a quiet day at his local course; just he and his wife as caddy. On the Par 4 seventh hole he slices the ball and it comes to rest near an old barn, which stands between his ball and the hole. He takes out his 9 iron to chip back onto the fairway when his wife says,

"Don't do that, dear. If I you open the barn doors on your side and I open the doors near the fairway, you can see the fairway and play onto the green."

"Great idea, wifey !" says he, and he replaces the 9 iron with a 4 iron and proceeds to play his shot through the barn. He takes a tremendous swipe and the ball moves at great pace, but just as it is about to leave the barn, it hits one of the exposed beams, ricochets and hits his wife on the side of the head, and she is dead before she hits the ground.

Some months pass and he plays no golf, but is eventually convinced by a few mates to come out and make up a four ball at the local. On the seventh hole he slices yet again, and lands near the old barn. He takes out his 9 iron, ready to chip back out onto the fairway when one of his mates says to him,

"Why don't I open the barn doors on my side, you do the same and you'll have a clear shot to the green ?"

The fellow stares at him somberly and says:

"I can't do that"

"Why not ? " says his mate

"Well" he says in a low and breaking voice "You know what happened last time I did that, don't you ?"

"No, what happened ? " he friend replies

"Well, the last time I played this shot...............I got a seven."

At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country
house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. "What did
he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor"
Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"Your thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling
the
water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught
on
fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the
candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor."
WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your wife's, Senor...She showed up one night out of the blue and I
thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike
Driver."
SILENCE..................
"Ernesto if you broke that driver, you're in deep sh1t!

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

----------------------------------------------------

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting, and confesses;
"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely
terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive, that looked like
it was going to sail over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line
that was hanging over the fairway, and then fell straight down
to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?" asked Mother Superior.

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out
of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth, and began
to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun.
"You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down
out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly
away!"

"I! s THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, Mother, OH no, not yet.
As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws,
it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior.

"OH NO Mother. My ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the
sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about SIX inches
from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said,
"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?

De fire kompisene hadde utslag kl 10, og klokken ett på 10 kom Nisse løpende heseblesende.
"Sorry gutter, men jeg måtte bare få med meg alle detaljene av det jeg hørte i klubbhuset. Greenkeeperen har tydligvis slått i hjel kona si med et femmerjern."
"Åh, har han det?" svarte Roger, "Hvor mange slag brukte han?"

--------------

Karoline kom løpende hysterisk tilbake til klubbhuset, hvor proen forsiktig prøvde å roe henne. "Hva har skjedd?"
"Jeg ble stukket av en veps mellom første og andre hull."
"Da har du antageligvis litt for bred stance", konstaterte proen.